When did I become this child obsessed person?? Let me tell you something about myself: I'm really good with kids when they can be returned to their parents (this is a recent discovery). I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't sigh and coo every time I saw a baby.
Confession #200: I used to fake it. SO BAD. I KNOW. I used to pretend that little babies were fabulous, while cringing in the insides. So, why the change?! Who is this person that survives for this little human being? How is it that he rules my entire life and I don't even care that he's my #1 purpose?? I have my bad days, the days I wonder what the heck I was thinking, at 19 years old, when I decided to tie the knot. I didn't even know the guy! I was so excited to have Max- terrified too- but excited because I thought for sure our lives would be full of joy. We weren't trying, it just kind of happened. I thought he would be just what the doctor ordered for my crumbling marriage. NOPE. Turns out that old wives tale is also false, have a baby, it'll heal everything. Who doesn't love a good ol' baby?! YET- here I am, completely obsessed with a 3 year old kid with an attitude problem. He has claimed me as his property and doesn't care who knows it. I mean, I don't mind. I am pretty infatuated myself.
On the hard days, where I feel like I am the worst mother in the world, I can't help but wonder. I wonder how he will turn out because his father figure is lacking or if he will turn to drugs and bad peers because his home life isn't perfect. Then I remind myself that He's strong. He's kind. He's already overcome so much. I wish (so much) that my child had not been exposed to so many things at such a young age. He is noticing that all of his friends have a mom and a dad constantly present in their lives. He is starting to ask why he only sees his dad twice a year. I thought I would be ready to answer the heavy questions, turns out I'm not. One thing is for sure, I love him. I will always love him. I choose him above all else. We are happy together. **Now check out these funny pics I found on my phone. I love you Maxfield Byron Hill De Santiago- even when I put you in timeout or throw a temper tantrum with you!