I am just a woman. I don't know that I'll ever change the world, my town, or even anyone in my family. I seek simplicity in all things and although I come across as the casual child... Ok fine, I am the casual child. I wouldn't change my lack of knowledge on dress, etiquette, and fancy things ever. I'm a simple girl seeking the simple life. However, I have come to realize that life isn't simple. Things aren't free. My journey in life thus far has been full of terrible roller coasters and I'm not entirely sure I will catch a break. Nevertheless, something incredible happened this weekend. While I was nursing my sick boy back to health, I got a glimpse into the future. **Now I'm not saying I'm a psychic or anything.** Anyway, my little tot felt so wretched this weekend that all he wanted to do was snuggle with his momma. I never left his side. He couldn't sleep at night because of his high fevers and every time he would roll over in bed, he would sigh "I love you mom." My.Heart.Stopped.
I don't pretend to understand God or religion, many of you know my internal struggles with faith and perseverance, but during this difficult weekend, I understood the divinity that comes from experiencing motherhood. My eyes were opened to what I can achieve in this life. I don't want much (well, I don't ask for much right now) but I do want to see my sweetheart grow and learn. I can honestly say he is my greatest work and I love him so much I don't have the words to express it.
I am perfectly imperfect in every single way. I have faults that even I can't name because the list is endless. Yet, I am accepting of my own humanity. I am accepting that my life is unorthodox and my struggle to fit in is diminishing. I am feeling at peace with myself, who I am, where I am going, and who I am growing into. I don't want to hide my struggles in the shadows and pretend my life is perfect because it isn't. I acknowledge my broken self and it feels wonderful to do so.
**I can cross off "eat a habanero" off my bucket list because I finally did that this weekend. I currently have no taste in my mouth.
|Definitely has the flu with a 102 fever to boot! Doesn't look it at all right? |
This guy is a trooper.