While I Prep for the Audit Tomorrow

It rained a lot yesterday and the melancholy mood made me a little uneasy. I don't like to be sad for fear that it will plummet into something darker and completely alter my mood for days, weeks, or months. Depression is not something I fess up to because I'm stronger than that. Really. I've taken enough vitamin B12 shots, ran many miles, and written about my feelings to know that depression can be conquered. Usually. Today it is snowing outside my office and snow is something I love. When it snowed in the west, I would feel so alive. It didn't matter how sad I had felt before because at that present moment, I found myself surrounded in a winter wonderland. I do hate being cold but I'll never forget how grateful I was for snow because of its literal reminder that I was alive even when I felt dead inside.

Three years ago, my heart was shattered in ways I still cannot explain. That experience taught me about humanity and I had to find the power to move on, let go, and forgive. I'm so glad I came home. I have met wonderful people along this journey and although my trust in men is at an awkward stage, I have a group of men that love me and their love has made me stronger. I am learning to trust again.

** I share this for those that are still in scary relationships. Your remarks and emails mean the world to me because I know your heartache. Leaving is the hardest thing ever. Until you decide to stay because no one deserves that kind of purgatory. Trust me. I lived in purgatory for 3 years, long enough to lose my innocence and short enough to escape with dignity. I love you. You can do hard things too! Life is beautiful! Don't be afraid. You are not alone. Even now, when you feel so alone and like you're suffocating, you are not alone. You have yourself. You are this incredible vessel that can conquer difficult tasks at hand.

This guy is my favorite brother, the most hilarious kid I have ever met. His immaturity levels conquer mine any day but this picture just makes me laugh and I hope it brings y'all a little joy today. Thanks E!